Juggling on Fire

I read a blog recently where a mother admonished others for scaring parents of one how difficult having two is. Her claim was that people say it’s 200% harder than one, while it’s more like 150%. Okay. 

She had a point. The routine baby stuff is easy peasy the second time around. And yes, it’s always annoying to be told how easy you have it now and how much more difficult things are going to be. But…

The article, more than anything, made me feel jealous. 

Parenting a clingy baby that needs a diaper change every five minutes and hyper, extroverted kindergartener obsessed with said clingy baby while dealing with both the mental and physical symptoms of chronic depression and anxiety… feels a bit like juggling twenty balls while frying tacos all the while on fire.

It’s hard. I don’t necessarily mean the diaper changes and chores and being woken every night between three and four. Though that has its toll. I mean the sheer exhaustion of depression. The lack of motivation to do anything. The anger that comes from post-partum depression. The anger that comes from your kid tearing up the house while trying to get the baby to nap and dozing off yourself because you’re so darn tired. The guilt and feelings of worthlessness because your kids deserve a better parent. 

It’s hard.

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